


Confidante

by SpinningLenny



Series: Things That Might Have Happened [4]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-31
Updated: 2016-08-31
Packaged: 2018-08-12 06:07:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7923463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpinningLenny/pseuds/SpinningLenny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Shepard's proposal of stress relief, Garrus has to sort out his thoughts. Luckily Tali is there to help him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Confidante

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [ME Flash Fanworks](https://meflashfanwork.tumblr.com/) challenge on the theme "Friendship"

Once the battery doors closed between him and Shepard, Garrus's feet turned him around and carried him to the console almost without conscious effort. Resting his hands heavily on the panel, he stared along the length of the Thanix without truly seeing anything as his thoughts chased themselves in circles.

Did he really just—did _she_ really just -- but why would she--and _how_ would it even--

He hadn't even made a start at putting his mind to order when the incoming call alert from his omni-tool pulled him back to the present.

"Yes?"

"Look at that, you're still alive. This is Tali, remember? The quarian? In the enviro-suit? That needs regular maintenance? Which you were supposed to help with? _Fifteen minutes ago_ ?"

"Oh crap, Tali, I'm sorry. I just--I'll be right down."

One ridiculously long elevator ride later, Garrus found himself facing a quarian whose crossed arms and twitching foot belied her overly sweet "Thank you so much for showing up." He swallowed back both an apology and a sarcastic remark--since neither would have appeased her--and settled for a simple "Shall we?"

"Please."

They headed for the quarantine cell and started up the decontamination protocols that would allow Tali to remove her suit for maintenance with minimal risk of infection. Through the whole procedure Garrus made a valiant effort to keep his mind on the task at hand, but still his thoughts kept straying back to Shepard. It wasn't until he moved to enter the cell that Tali stopped him.

  
"Aren't you forgetting something?"

Garrus stared blankly at her, then resisted the urge to smack his own fringe.

"Helmet. Right. I’ll be right back."

Tali crossed her arms and cocked her head.

"Do you really believe I’ll let you touch my suit with your conductors fried like that? Come on." Before he could argue, she maneuvered both of them into the quarantine cell and closed the door. "Tell me what's wrong. "

Garrus sat heavily on the narrow bench and stretched out his legs.

"Shepard asked me to have sex with her."

"That's good. About time, too."

"And now I--what? What's that supposed to mean?"

Tali leaned against the wall and shook her head.

"She's been giving you the look for weeks. I was starting to wonder if I had to push things along."

She watched him expectantly but Garrus could only raise his hand in incomprehension.

"You really haven't noticed? The look that says ‘I want to plug my air hose into your filter’?"

"If that's supposed to be some kind of euphemism, you’ve lost me."

Garrus often found himself impressed at just how effectively Tali could convey her feelings even with her face completely hidden. For example, her current expression clearly said that against all odds he was proving to be even thicker than she’d expected.

"Shepard. Is. Attracted. To. You. I have no idea why, but it is rather obvious, at least to those of us who don't have rocket holes in our brains. And you are attracted to her, so where exactly is the problem?"

"I’m not--I mean, yes, I am attracted to her, but not like that."

Tali cocked her head.

"Please. Don't tell me you’ve never flushed your tubes thinking about her. You're not such a good liar."

Garrus sighed and let his head drop back until his fringe rested on the collar of his armour.

"Of course I have. Seeing her move like a _felira_ through the battlefield, the way she can talk rings around hostiles until they believe they've always been on her side--who wouldn't get off on that? But I’ve never thought about actually having sex with her, and I’m honestly not sure I want to."

"Leaving aside the fact that this is possibly the most messed up thing anyone has ever said to me, why wouldn’t you?"

Garrus stared at the ceiling and tried to find a way to phrase it, but in the end he just shook his head and asked, "Have you ever seen a naked human?"

"No. Why would I?"

"Just… Do a quick extranet search, would you?"

Tali’s eyes narrowed behind her faceplate.

"If this is some kind of prank…"

"Please. Just do it."

He must have sounded sincere enough, because she called up the holo interface and started typing. For several minutes Garrus watched her navigate the extranet while muttering a steady stream of "That's weird … I don't… Why would they…" At one point she turned the display this way and that several times before she exclaimed, " _Outside_?!"

Eventually the omni-tool went dark and Tali stared at the wall for a long moment before she found her words again.

"Well."

"Yeah."

"I think I can see the problem."

"I thought you might."

Another pause, then she shook her head as though to clear it.

"So why didn't you just tell her you're not interested?"

_If only it were that simple._

"Because, well. She's Shepard."

"And?"

Garrus sighed, once again grasping for a way to make her understand.

"Let me put it this way. What would you do if Shepard asked you to have sex with her?"

"I’d be out of my suit before she’d finished the sentence."

"And what about all of that?"

He motioned to her omni-tool, but Tali waved the question away.

"Who cares? She’s--" She broke off, then nodded thoughtfully. "Of course. She's Shepard. I see."

She crossed her arms and examined him with an expression usually reserved for malfunctioning eezo couplings.

"So you're attracted to her as a person but not to her body?"

"That's… I guess you could put it that way, yes."

Another long, calculating look.

"I don't suppose you could ask her to leave the armour on?"

Garrus twitched his brow plates in exasperation.

"That's not helpful."

"You don't know. She might be into that sort of thing."

"Tali!"

"What?"

"Why would you even think about that?"

"I have a nerve stimulator and an extranet connection. Do you want details?"

She cocked her head in a quarian smirk and Garrus held up his hands.

"No, thank you."

"Your loss. Because it gets awfully lonely down in the drive core, you know."

"I said _no thank you_."

Tali snickered when he clenched his mandibles to his jaw, then sobered up again.

"But that doesn't help you decide what to tell Shepard."

"Yeah, well, I already told her yes."

"Then why are we having this conversation?"

Garrus sighed, closed his eyes and just let the words spill out.

"What if we try and I just don't like it? What if she finds out I’m really not into humans? What if she doesn't like it? Maybe I can’t pleasure her, maybe I’ll _injure_ her. What if it turns out so horrible she’ll never speak to me again? What if it turns out so mediocre she'll never think about it again? What if…"

He trailed off, his mind finally running out of steam. He opened his eyes to find Tali watching him with an amused twinkle in her eyes.

"You’ve got it bad, don't you?"

"What?"

"Never mind. But why don't you just tell all this to Shepard?"

Garrus twitched his brow plates.

"Have you ever tried to talk to a human about sex?"

"Good point. You know, a while ago I asked Donnelly if he’d just masturbated, because he looked so cheerful? I’ve never seen a human do that colour changing thing so fast."

They both chuckled at the mental image, but even his amusement over humanity's baffling squeamishness about anything sexual couldn't keep Garrus's mind off his problem for long.

"So what do you think I should do?"

Tali sighed and sat down next to him on the bench.

"I think you should be very sure it's what you really want. If you tell Shepard now that you’ve changed your mind, you know she won’t hold it against you."

"Yeah. I could do that."

Garrus tried to imagine it. She was right, of course. If he backed out now, Shepard would respect his decision. She might be disappointed, but their friendship wouldn't suffer for it. It would be a simple and safe solution. And, Garrus realised, not the one he wanted at all.

Tali seemed to be reading his thoughts on his face because she pressed on, "Or you could decide to go through with it, prepare yourself as much as you can, and hope for the best."

Prepare. Research. Plan. Those were things he was good at. Hope, not so much recently, but maybe the others would be enough.

"I suppose that's it, then."

He must have sounded as apprehensive as he felt, because Tali bumped her shoulder against his almost affectionately.

"For what it's worth, if anyone can make it work, it's you and Shepard."

Garrus opened his hands in a gesture of appreciation.

"Thanks. That's … Thanks."

"You're welcome. Now how about you get your _ree’te_ helmet before I rot away in this suit?"

When he headed to his locker to pick up his helmet, Garrus felt if not confident then at least determined. Tali was right, of course. Shepard had a way of making the impossible seem effortless. As long as he didn't screw up too badly, maybe, just maybe, something would go right for once.


End file.
